Title

Ital (eye'-tal): of or from the earth; vital; life giving; natural.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Truth

Truth and Justice have been recurrent themes here in our house lately. In fact Shine declared today that his Lego Ninja are great people because they fight for Justice and all that is Right. Mo too is a seeker of Truth. He goes to great lengths to ensure that the Truth is seen and acknowledged.

When I attended the I Ching workshop in the fall of last year, I learned that one of the lessons I am to take from this life is to acknowledge patterns (both good and bad) and to adjust those patterns that are harmful and stifling. To do this I must be honest with myself as well as with those close to me. It is hard to take an honest look at yourself. There is Truth to the saying, "The Truth Hurts." Reconciling what is with what we think is there or hope is there or want to be there is difficult but necessary if we are going to live an authentic life.

So here are some Truths I am wrapping my heart around. I realize that I am not the first person to make these observations. They are not profound or even very insightful...but they are what I need to acknowledge for myself. They are what I am facing at this moment. In no particular order:

1. Marriage is hard. There have been moments over the last few years that Mo and I have each considered going our separate ways. We have faced many difficulties...some of our own making and some that we have had little control over. What has kept us together is this idea of possibility...when we think of all that is possible with our combined efforts, we see amazing things.

2. Being a mother is one of the most difficult jobs I have ever had. There are days when I think I'm not going to make it to bed time with my sanity intact. Then I read this and felt relieved. It's supposed to be hard if you are doing it right and if you are filled with a crazy amount of love for your children. It is not hugs and laughter and bright smiles twenty-four-seven. It is a lot of grit and determination and tears. But those kairos moments are truly worth it!

3. Being a step mother is even more difficult. I wonder sometimes if it's the role of step mother in general or  just my position as step mother in an adversarial situation that makes it so hard. Maybe it would be easier to embrace this role if all parties could work together for the best interest of Warrior and Earth Mother.

4. My dad will not recover from his cancer. This is the hardest Truth to accept. I feel angry, cheated, sad, frustrated, depressed...I'm very grateful for the two months I did get to spend with him. I am happy that Song and Shine were able to make memories with him. I know Shine will take them with him through his life and think fondly of his dear Poppo. Although Song will probably not have full memories of him, she may hold on to the dream like images of his gentle hands, warm laugh and caring demeanor.

5. I believe with my whole heart that we are in the right place. That things are unfolding the way they are supposed to be.  It has been a struggle to start life over from scratch. Sometimes I catch myself longing for something that we had in Brooklyn...like a piece of furniture or a local shop. But, I love my life in Jamaica and I cannot imagine our family living anywhere else for this phase of our lives.We will see if the winds carry us other places but for now we are living, loving and seeking Truth on this wonderful island.

Face your Truth.
Peace and Wellness,
Rae

P.S. Read Part Two here.

No comments: